Creating a Great First Date Vibe

A while back, I met a seemingly friendly, intelligent woman on Match.com named Katie. I took her out to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant and then we went bowling because we both are avid bowlers. To make a long story short, in the middle of our bowling game, she just plain disappeared. She said she was going to the bathroom and never came back. She wasn’t stuck in the bathroom, as I eventually figured out. She sent a text message to a friend to bail her out of what she felt was an awful date.


Later on that evening, she sent me a text message verbally assaulting my character. Not only was she completely wrong about the type of person I am, she sounded like a bitter b*tch. According to her assessment of me, I am cocky, arrogant, and there’s “something wrong with me” but she wasn’t quite sure exactly what it was. To quote her, I “gave off some really bad vibes”. After she was done (unfairly) criticizing me, she told me to never contact her again. Being the non-bitter human being that I am, I called her up and cussed her out.

First Date

First Date

Mistakes I Made That We Can All Learn From

Although I was rather pissed off, once I calmed myself down, I sat back and thought about why she felt this way about me. It was very strange to be called arrogant and cocky. No one has ever accused me of being either. And I know I’m not cocky, so how could she have felt this way about me? Katie and I come from very different backgrounds. I’ve lived most of my life in a middle-class family, while she comes from a low-income family.

What do our family’s incomes have to do with anything? We had some discussions about places we eat, where we love to travel, and where we hang out. Most of the places I mentioned, it’s likely she can’t afford. I’m not mentioning this because I look down on poor people. I don’t. I’m mentioning it because it’s likely she felt that I thought I was better than her because I can afford places she can’t. That is simply not the case, but she must have taken it that way.

Another mistake I made was not holding the door for her at the bowling alley. I wasn’t paying attention and this upset her. Of course, she didn’t have the balls to tell this to my face. Instead, she mentioned it in her text messages. Overall, I really don’t think I put on that bad of a “performance”. I was incredibly friendly to her, but she got the vibe that I was cocky because I mentioned going places she probably can’t afford and didn’t feel I was a true gentleman since I failed to hold the door for her…once.

Mistakes in my first date

Mistakes in my first date

How I Corrected My Mistakes

This date served as a strong reminder that first impressions are EVERYTHING. On future dates, I paid closer attention to what I was doing and saying. I now think before I speak. And I allow her to speak more than I do so that we talk about the things she wants to talk about. That way my date can’t accuse me of being arrogant. Listening to a woman is key. Paying attention to what she says and acting interested – while smiling – in the things she says is very important. This will make her feel comfortable with you and she’ll get that positive first date vibe.

First impressions are everything

First impressions are everything